Where are you?

I thought I did everything I could, I made changes, I fought demons and even asked for forgiveness, it never seemed like enough for you.  How is it that in a moment you feel as if you have this spectacular love and in the very next it just seems like it all falls apart?

I thought changing everything would mean a better future, I thought re-arranging all the negative in my life would lead to a more positive outcome.  Somehow I still find myself still standing in the same place... the place where I thought I had worked so hard to move past.

I chose friendships, I chose love, I even chose the direction my entire life was taking, and still... it seems I'm not getting any further than I was before.

Change is so vital and understandably, forgiveness and patience goes hand in hand.  I've asked for forgiveness and dealt with my demons, yet where are you now?

I've worked so hard, I've seen the things in myself that I never even noticed, I've thought about compassion and most importantly I've put you first.

Why do I still feel alone? Where are you?

Loss

I think fear is what reminds us that we are human and pain reminds us that we're alive.  There is no way to unfortunately see what is right around the next corner in life... So what I've realized is we can only live for today, for the moments that make us feel alive and for the people who make us feel like we're home.  Moral of the story is love hard... accept loss... and look forward.  I've lost so many people in my life, some major and some so unforgettable that it's hard to imagine that they are gone even now.  I always dwell and depend so  deeply on those who surround me that when they leave, my loneliness seems to somehow consume me temporarily.  Finding the strength to look forward to see a better tomorrow is one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn, forgiveness within me and forgiveness for those whom I may never even get to tell. My heart, although heavy at times has to believe in the better of all people, no matter what mistakes have been made, I know that throughout my life, if I didn't have those few whom unconditionally believed in me, I would have never found the strength in the person I am today, I would have never found the firm foundation of what I believe love and friendship is.

In close this quote says it best...

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell